A belated Valentines special:
Do you have a “sexy walk”? what even is a “sexy walk”? According to inventor of our first patent, C. William Hanson III, “its definition is analogous to the definition of pornography – ‘I know it when I see it.'” But that didn’t stop him developing the Pevlic Extension Frame, see US7029428B, to help train your hips not to lie. The invention works by exaggerating the movement of the pelvis and thereby the user can clearly see how their hips swing and hopefully develop that sexy swing.
In 200 BC Archimedes developed a principal that has been the corner stone of Fluid Mechanics. However, after pencilling his thoughts on how the upward buoyant force that is exerted on a body immersed in a fluid, is equal to the weight of the fluid that the body displaces (thanks GCSE Physics) – I hardly think Archimedes thought just a short 2200 years later Jason E. Turner would be running with that idea to create inventions of this nature…
Meet the Penile Volumetric Measuring Device… to… err… measure the volume of… appendages?… of 50% of the population. See US7147609B for more details.
Breast augmentation is a huge industry, expected to exceed $4.6 Billion USD by 2025. I assume one of the decisions to be made is how big? Well, never fear, meet the Hinging Breast Implant, unsurprsingly invented by a man, Matthew Lamar Turner (see US6875233B). The implant’s size and firmness can be altered at anytime with just a minor surgery; via a valve 150, that remains close to the surface of the skin.
Now the best of the smut is out the way, (and believe me these were the most PC I could find… I now have a folder full of x-rated patents on my work laptop I didn’t feel I could share, things I do for this role…) I also found a few US Design Patents. Notably:
USD494820 – the ‘Nutcracker’.
and USD491711 – the Heart Shaped Cheese Slice.
So, for when you thought buying any of the above was a good idea for Valentines Day, there is US7082634 – the Dividable Mattress.
Thanks for reading!